Shadows Under Skin
by S.J. Kohl
Summary: Rufus Shinra struggles struggles with his past actions and his impending death as he confronts the geostigma.  PreAdvent Children, but not by much.  RufusxReno if you squint hard enough.


Shadows Under Skin  
By S.J. Kohl

Pairing: Reno/Rufus…well, sort of… You don't really have to see it that way at all.  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Rufus Shinra struggles with his past actions and his impending death as he confronts the geostigma. Pre-Advent Children, but not by much.  
Disclaimer: Well, to my way of thinking Cloud does and always will own Reno, so…he's not mine. And neither is FF7. Damn.

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"You shouldn't be here."

Reno Sinclaire opened his mouth to say something sarcastic and biting. But he closed it again, the words still locked behind his teeth. He cleared his throat. "Why not?"

"You know why." Rufus Shinra's voice was quiet and empty. So were his eyes. Coldly, achingly empty, though only one could be seen beneath the bandage that stretched across his face. He'd wasted so much time, done so many things wrong. Terrible things, evil things. By all rights, he shouldn't even have been alive anymore. Rufus looked down. "I disbanded the Turks."

Reno shrugged. "Yeah, but…boss—"

"Don't call me that!"

Reno took a step back, hurt swimming through his veins. He swallowed it down viciously. It didn't matter right now. _He _didn't matter right now. He stepped forward again, shoving his hands into his pockets and glaring at Rufus, knowing the bastard would feel his stare even if he didn't acknowledge it. He licked his lips. "Make me."

Rufus bit back a snarl and looked around for something—_anything—_to focus on besides Reno. But there was nothing in this place…nothing he wanted to see. _Healin Lodge, treatment center for geostigma victims. _Rufus snorted. _It's more like a glorified asylum. A prison cell. _He wasn't even sure why he was staying at Healin. After all, what could these idiots do for him? He was dying, and no amount of hospital stays or Cure spells would change that. Rufus glanced up for a moment, refusing to flinch at the anger that lined Reno's face. It would be a better death than he deserved.

Sighing, Rufus shifted slightly on the soft couch, one of the only pieces of furniture in the room. He wished the moon wouldn't throw quite so much light on a scene he would rather not have to witness. Even through the gaze of only one eye, Reno's fury was plainly evident. Rufus drummed his fingers against his knee and shook his head. "Why are you still here, Reno? You're not under contract anymore. The company's lost; the Planet's practically been destroyed. Any power I might have had has vanished. What do you want from me?"

Reno just stared at Rufus, his eyes narrowed in confused frustration. He pulled his hands from his pockets and took another step forward, another step closer to Rufus. They weren't far apart now; only about three feet of air whispered between them. "You've still got money, right?"

Rufus nodded reluctantly. "Some."

"Enough to afford my paychecks?"

Rufus didn't answer.

"Look," Reno sighed. "I want to stay. I'll be…I'll be your bodyguard or something. I don't really care what you have me do, just…don't kick me out."

"Reno…"

"No. Don't say it!" Reno's hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. He gritted his teeth. "I _need _to stay with you."

Rufus laughed. "Need? You _need _to stay here?" He spread his legs apart and leaned back, wincing inwardly at the ache that spread beneath his skin, following the shadows of the geostigma as they rippled along his flesh. "But what do I need you for?" Rufus pushed his sleeves up and held his arms open wide, displaying the results of his sins plainly for the first time. "I'm a dying man, Reno Sinclaire. What need have I for bodyguards? Oh, I have enemies. Many of them. But what do their attacks mean to me but one less day I have to suffer from this accursed disease?"

"But—"

"And what do you even care?" Rufus dropped his arms, allowing his hands to fall weakly into his lap. "I killed people. I ordered _you_ to kill people! Cloud Strife…I was the one who signed the orders for him to be placed in the labs! You should be glad to escape my service after all that I've done to you." He snorted. "I know the others were."

"That's not true!"

"It doesn't matter. The point remains that I don't need a Turk. I don't need a bodyguard. I don't need any help"—Rufus almost choked on the words, on the memories that threatened to rise to the surface of his mind—"especially from you."

Reno dropped his gaze to the ground, his voice a pissed-off, almost silent growl. "I don't have anywhere else to go."

Rufus leaned even further forward and looked up, forcing the older man to meet the glare of his one blue eye. He swallowed down his guilt—what was one more selfish act among thousands? What was one more cruelty, one more betrayal? He smiled softly. "Well, I don't need a bodyguard. So…unless you want to be my little whore, I suggest you take your severance pay and get the hell out of here."

Reno stood there for a long time. Staring, just staring. Finally, he spun around. "If that's what I have to do to stay." He stripped off his jacket and dropped it to the ground, and his fingers trembled only slightly as they worked the buttons of his shirt.

Rufus sucked in a deep breath. _Reno? No… _What was happening? Reno was supposed to leave. Rufus didn't want him here. He didn't _want _this, not for Reno, not after… The explosion. It had rocked the very foundations of the city. Everything had been destroyed, everything President Shinra had worked to build. Yes, ShinRa Corporation had fallen, brought down by a couple of bombs planted by a ragtag band of self-proclaimed heroes. Rufus had fallen. _Dead. I died that day. But…_ Rufus closed his eyes, his fingers drumming madly against the soft fabric of the couch. _Strong hands, slender hands. Gripping, gripping. _Reno had saved him. Reno had literally ripped him from the grip of the Lifestream, just as the Planet itself was rising up to fight off Meteor. _Why? Why…_ Reno had saved him, had saved him even though the world would have been better of with Rufus Shinra out of it, even though _Reno _would have been better off.

Rufus's eyes snapped open as Reno's shirt fell to the floor. Horror rippled through him even as he automatically traced the strong, lean lines of the older man's back. The sharp press of shoulder blades, the smooth slide of muscle beneath pale skin, cold in the moonlight—they called to him, and this time Rufus did choke. "Reno…"

Reno took a deep breath and popped the button on his pants. He didn't really want to do this, but Rufus…Rufus was worth any price he had to pay. He drew down the zipper.

"Reno, no!" Rufus reached out, his fingers grasping at the empty air, straining to reach what was still beyond his grasp. "You don't have to…"

"Yes." Reno shoved the pants down over his hips, allowing them to slide down his legs to pool at his feet. "I do." He stepped out of them and slowly turned around, his arms stretched wide apart.

Rufus gaped, his fingers still outstretched. _Shadows. _They slithered across the tight skin of Reno's stomach and crawled downward over his left thigh, twisting, twisting. _Geostigma. _Rufus dropped his hand, numbness clinging to his chest. "When?"

"The day I saved you. The day the Planet took back what was hers." Reno laughed bitterly. "Going into the Lifestream…bad timing, yo. And she took a heavy price, didn't she?"

_The day…_ Rufus's blood turned to ice in his veins. _My fault. I did this… _"Why did you save me?"

Reno shrugged. He dropped his arms. "I had to."

Rufus flinched, misery creeping in around the edges of the ice. "You should have let me die."

Growling savagely, Reno threw himself forward to kneel between Rufus Shinra's parted thighs, taking hold of Rufus's shoulders and shaking viciously. "Wake up! Self-pity doesn't look good on you. Neither does guilt."

"But I…look at what I've done. To you…to everyone…"

"Then fix it!"

"How…"

"Do you want to know why I saved you? The same reason I've been watchin' out for your ass since your balls first dropped. Because I love you, all right? I fucking love you! I believe in you. I always have."

Rufus snarled. "You can't deny that I've done terrible things, Reno."

"No shit. You _have _done horrible things. But you were just a kid, Rufus. And face it, your life was so fucked up you hardly knew how to piss without sprayin' it everywhere! But doing bad things doesn't make you a bad person. And…you _see_ now, right?"

Rufus's nod was almost imperceptible.

Reno's lips thinned, pressed together to form an angry line. "The only thing that could make you a bad person would be to _not _try and fix all the damage you've caused, now that you know the truth, now that you see that what you were doing was wrong. That's the _only _thing that could make me lose my faith in you."

Rufus shook his head and stared at Reno. "How can you say that, knowing you're going to die because of me?"

"Saving you was _my _choice. Don't you fucking take that away from me, you bastard," Reno snarled, his fingers tightening their hold on Rufus's shoulders. "And I'd do it again, even knowing this…this _disease_ is what I'd get for it."

Rufus sighed. "I don't understand…why anyone would want to do that for me."

"You don't _have _to understand. You just have to let me stay. Let me help you." Reno leaned back and sighed. "Like I said, I don't have anywhere else to go."

Rufus reached out again, and this time his fingers connected with something solid. He closed his eyes one last time and allowed his hand to trace the shivering skin of Reno Sinclaire's stomach, skin he knew was crawling with shadows. _Shadows like mine. _No one was composed entirely of light, after all. Rufus opened his eyes again, determination filling in the emptiness. "Reno?"

"Yeah?" Reno's voice was low and slightly husky.

"I want to get the Turks back together."

A slow grin stretched itself across Reno's face and his eyes lit with a smoky fire. "Sure thing…boss."


End file.
